Sunday, September 17, 2006

Best Man Speech for Jesse and Rebekah's Wedding

On behalf of everyone here I’d like to thank Jesse and Rebekah for bringing us together to celebrate with them on this beautiful occasion.

Now I was told that I had to keep this to under 45 minutes, so I’m going to get right to the point.

Rebekah, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels this way, but do you realize that you have just legally agreed and bound yourself to put up with Jesse and his shennanigans in a long term and committed way, till death do you part. No, really, Rebekah, I hope you know what you are doing. We don’t all necessarily understand why, but “Thank you!”

I’ve known Jesse just about all my life, almost as long as I can remember, and several times I would prefer to forget, so I know what I’m talking about when I say, Rebekah, I hope you know what you are doing.

Now unfortunately, the problem is that most of the embarrassing stories I’d like to tell you about Jesse, incriminate me just as much as him, so I can only hope that you know what you are doing.

What I can tell you about Jesse is that he rolls through life collecting friends and adventures like dirty laundry collects around his room--laundry that doesn't always belong to him (when we lived together in Fremont, he used to slip his dirty laundry into my basket hoping I’d wash it for him. Now that’s what I call a free-loader). And even though Jesse was known throughout high-school as the mooch, he is one of the most generous people I know. Jesse is a rogue and a lover with touches of genius.

He is one of the last great explorer spirits. He has a great sense of direction, adventure and luck. He is mythically optimistic, to the point of bending the truth. And he’s a good tipper.

Jesse's the kind of friend that you never leave, not even when you're a thousand miles away. You can not hear from him for six months. Then he'll show up on your door step out of the blue, give you some of the best advice of your life over a beer then suggest opening a store based on bulk peanut butter or smoked salmon flavored deodorant.

And it's like you never were apart.

When I asked Jesse how he felt about marrying Rebekah, Jesse said, “It's like going all-in pre-flop with a good hand. Who knows what could happen on the turn or the river, but you're happy now and you know it's going to be an exciting ride so you're ready to get stuck in there. What could be better than that?”

Jesse is a great teacher and guide to man, child and dog. In fact, you can pretty well understand who Jesse is when you know that for a long time he had a book in his bathroom called, “There Are No Bad Dogs.”

I guess that about sums Jesse up.

Rebekah, I hope you know what you are doing, because even if you don’t, I do, you’re choosing to spend your life with the best friend any man, woman or dog could ever ask for.

So knowing all that I know about Jesse (and quite a bit of stuff I wish I didn’t), I can say that I have absolutely no reservations in raising a glass, and inviting you to do the same to toast Jesse Haggar Long and Rebekah Lynn Long:

As Jack Erskin used to say, “May the road rise up to meet you, and may the wind be always at your back”. L’chaim, take care and get stuck in there!!!

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