Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Purplegate Superfood

Dear Friends,

Those of you who have had the opportunity to attend a Dave Matthews/Bazan/Harper/Makana/insert-crunchy-white-college-dude-guitar-player’s-name-here concert with Jesse are probably familiar with his technique of dehydrating in preparation for the big event to be sure that he doesn't have to leave the front row and make his way through throngs of L.L. Bean clad guys and girls who are also rocking out just to go to the bathroom and thereby risk losing his place and more importantly his slow head bopping groove.

Well, I realized that attending the inauguration of our 44th president in D.C., aka O-day, would represent a similar biological challenge (20 port-a-potties at a distance of 3 security checks across one and a half million people and multiplied by a small bladder, you do the math). The thought of self-catheterizing myself or having a colostomy bag break open right as Obama stepped away from the motorcade to shake my hand on national TV, made not eating or drinking for 24 hours seemed like a good option. But I didn't want to pass out from the extreme cold or long hours standing on my feet and dreaming of a new and better tomorrow, did I? So I had to eat something... but what?

A quick trip to the National Safeway (I know it's bizarre but everything in DC is the national something, I swear we even passed a building that said the National Tiddlywinks Society) and I had my answer, Odwalla Superfood: the perfect balance of juice puree, artichoke dust and thistle, with a little prairie grass thrown in for flavor that would get me through the big day without needing a restroom. I mean, hey, it's called Superfood, what could be better than that?

Well, maybe it was the weekend's indulgence in sushi, scrapple, pancakes, pizza, fajitas, a bagel with oleo, tomato soup and grilled cheese, a snack of fried chicken and half a corn dog and then dinner Monday night of caesar salad, pasta and meatballs (I passed on the balls) that did it, but I like to think that it was the Superfood, because after getting stuck in a crowd for 4 hours in what NPR, facebook groups and Youtube are calling the "Purple Tunnel of Doom" or "Purplegate", I took what can only be called a post-inaugural, celebrational...


Take care,
Kevin


--
From the Heart,

Kevin Lapin
"Appreciate beauty in all its forms."
"Get stuck in there!"

2 comments:

  1. A few comments that came in via email:

    Wow, you really went there huh? I can’t stop staring at that log and see it when I close my eyes. Nice weekend send off!

    T-Diddy

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    Thanks for keeping such a great log of the event!

    Brian

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    Dear kevin,
    You are disgusting.
    I love you,
    Trika

    --

    You're a sick mother fucker... and that's what makes you great.

    Jenny

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  2. A postscript to this story:
    I was in Shanghai and meeting with a theater director there to pitch our show Floating Brothel. A mutual friend arranged for us all to meet at a local cafe and the director was kind enough to take time out of his schedule to meet us (the theater has three stages running shows nightly and he came directly from a wedding).

    We sat down to talk about theater and the show and he asked me right away in near perfect English, "So, Kevin, what can you tell me about Floating Brothel? Have you brought a DVD?" I pulled out the DVD I had prepared and began explaining that I had written the website on it as well as we had some very nice pictures. At that he stopped me and said, "Speaking of websites, I saw yours already and I have to ask, 'What is the supershit?'.

    My friend Jesse, who knew exactly what he was talking about, just about snarfed his bubble tea and fell off his stool with laughter. Our mutual friend had no idea what he was talking about. And what he was talking about, of course, is the blog post above. Apparently, he had seen my blog. I imagine maybe because his English wasn't too good or because he was busy, he had scrolled down (a considerable distance even back then) and seen the Purplegate photo!

    Well, I thought, there goes our Shanghai tour down the figurative and literal toilet.

    A post-post script:
    Not so, Floating Brothel, has been invited to participate in the 2009 Asia Contemporary Theatre Festival (www.floatingbrothel.com)! Ha-ha take that you critics of the international appeal of scatalogical humor!

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